Befriending Mary in Advent

I’m certainly not the first pregnant woman during Advent that has found herself pondering a new connection to Mama Mary. And perhaps it’s not just the time of year, but the act of carrying life inside of me that has sparked those feelings and reflections. Maybe I would feel similarly if I were pregnant in June or July . . . or maybe there’s something special about this overlap of seasons where we wait in joyful hope.

I’ve written about my love for Advent before. I like to shout from the rooftops the wonder I feel anticipating Emmanuel, my favorite name for Christ. A normally impatient person, this season annually calms my urgency and allows my heart to settle and wait for what I know is coming and miraculously has already come – “ever ancient, ever new”. 

This year I find myself leaning into this mysterious paradox in a new way. A baby is coming and is already here. 

I sense this with every flutter of movement I feel in my belly. I can see it quite literally as my abdomen wiggles and moves when our little love dances around inside of me. 

Newness is coming. 

And while that is good news, it's not always easy. It's painful and exhausting and can surface fears you thought had already been rooted out of your heart. But it's also exciting and good and altogether ineffable. 

The hope Mary knew amidst all of this change surpassed all fear.  She actively accepted Gabriel's announcement and proceeded to carry the Light of the World knowing full well the hardship that was to come - both in the immediate and in the future. 

As we move closer to Christmas, the repeated question of, “Mary, did you know?”  is sung beautifully on the radio and holiday playlists in various harmonies and instrumentations. With an understanding of her upbringing as a devout Jewish woman, we can say with certainty that Mary would have known the answers to the questions posed in the lyrics of this sweet song. But does that mean she knew everything that was to come with pregnancy and childbirth and mothering too?

I don’t think so.

I sense Mary underwent some of the same fears and anxieties of motherhood that I currently am and I find deep comfort and consolation reflecting on that possibility. A woman who often feels too far off and out of reach in her perfection is slowly becoming personable and relatable to my new mother’s heart in this season of preparation.

Could not Mary have also felt nervous about the pain of labor and delivery? Even with solid examples of motherhood around her, might she have questioned her own ability to be a good mom?

Surely she, too, wondered and even worried about her new life as wife and mother and Theotokos on top of it all.

And therein lies the beauty of her perpetual fiat, her yes to God. She knew, despite not knowing, that He would provide and be with her every step of the way.

So there it is again, that beautiful paradox that I love to lean into this time of year. Knowing, yet not knowing. Seeing, yet not seeing. Trusting fully in God’s presence and provision – that which has already happened and yet is continuing to unfold.

God is with us, and yet we still wait in joyful hope for deeper understanding of our Emmanuel.

Peace,
Sarah