Dorothy’s Birth Story

Dorothy Emmanuelle

Our girl is here!  

I started a draft of Dorothy's birth story when she was a month old and could not formulate words to get the experience down "on paper" (typed out), so here we are months later and I am finally crossing the to-do off my list.

Much like her big brother, baby girl was super cozy and did not want to arrive on her due date, December 14th. A week over and she was still not budging. I had zero signs of labor and Christmas was days away. Thankfully, I was able to arrange with my doctor to delay the typical timing of induction (41 weeks) so that I wasn't guaranteed to be in the hospital on Christmas. Had she come on her own, I would have been perfectly fine with Christmas away from home, but I didn't want to schedule it. 

For the record, my OB was super reasonable with the delay of my induction. All she asked was that I have an extra ultrasound to check fluid levels around our girl at the 41 week mark. Our levels were great, so we were good to go pushing the induction to the evening of December 26th.

After a phone call on Christmas Eve and some shuffling of schedules, we were able to move from an evening induction to a 9am appointment and I was thrilled. We got to the hospital 10 minutes late (#secondchild lol) and were checked in shortly after and taken to an actual room, not triage! (See Matthew's birth story for why that was so exciting to me.) The nurses got me checked in and set up for an IV if necessary. The doctor came to check my progress and I was at a zero for everything which wasn't super surprising since I hadn't had any signs of labor, but was still discouraging because we were at nearly 42 weeks pregnant and I hadn't dilated at all. 

Almost a week before the induction I developed a very painful rash on my lower back that all of the nurses and doctors that saw me assume was shingles. (Cute, right?) Because of the rash, they had the anesthesiologist come by to see if it would affect their ability or plan for an epidural if I decided to get one (the plan was to try for an unmedicated birth). Luckily, it was not in the way of anything, but they did put a big clear bandaid over it to be safe, and that oddly relieved some of the pain which was a bonus. 

At 11 am they had me on my first dose of Cytotec (vaginally). After three hours I had started some easy contractions (maybe a 2 on the pain scale), but there was still no change in progress, so they began the second dose and the discussion of the Foley catheter was introduced. I had already mentioned to my nurse that I really did not want to have one since it was such a painful experience with Matthew. I’ve heard the pain from them ranges from person to person, which must be true because I have friends who barely noticed theirs and others who, like me, found them to be the most painful part of childbirth. My nurse (I wish I remembered her name because she was incredible) helped communicate that with the doctor and I did not feel nearly as much pressure to jump to that intervention as I did from the doctor who delivered Matthew. 

They checked my progress after the second dose was completed at around 5:30 pm and I was only about 1 cm dilated which was discouraging. The doctor mentioned the Foley again and I asked to try one more dose of Cytotec. After she'd inserted it and left, I turned to Michael and told him there was no way we were having our baby today. I think baby girl may have heard me and said, "challenge accepted," because boy did things change with that third dose. 

With Cytotec you aren't allowed to move around for the first hour, which was not an issue the first two doses because the contractions were so manageable. This time, however, they started to get stronger and it was challenging to stay still with my legs elevated and work through them. They went from about a 2/3 on the pain scale to a 7/8 very quickly.

At 6:30 pm, the nurse switched me to a cordless monitor so I could move around a little easier. I asked for a birthing ball to work through some of the more intense contractions. After a bit of searching, they found one that was just a tad too small for my height, but I decided to try to make it work. After a few contractions, I still wasn't feeling comfortable, so I decided to ditch the ball. I stood up and instantly peed everywhere! Or at least, I thought I did. We placed a call for the nurse to let them know I'd had an accident and when she arrived she let me know I had not peed, but my water broke! To be fair, they manually broke my water with Matthew and I'd already had an epidural, so I had no idea what to expect and the floor had a warm varnish, so the liquid looked yellow. We all had a good laugh. 

Contractions at that point were still very intense, and I thought I was still barely dilated, so I asked to have my progressed checked. The doctor came by around 7:30 and I was at 5cm! 4cm in around 2 hours which was crazy fast compared to Matthew. 

I was so glad to see progress, but again, my only context for labor was with Matthew, and when I reached 5cm with him I had 5 more hours of labor. With that in mind, I asked for the anesthesiologist to come for the epidural because 5 hours of contractions at that intensity would have been miserable. 

My nurse must have had a better sense of how quickly things were progressing because she had the team come asap and there was a sense of urgency in the room while they did the procedure (though that may have been because it was hard to sit still through it all). 

The team left and maybe 20 minutes later I told the nurse I thought I was getting close to go-time. She told me to let her know when I needed to push, and I asked how I would know (they told me with Matthew), and she said, "oh, you will know". 

Sure enough, maybe 2 minutes later I, I knew. 

The delivery team quickly arrived as I was starting to push. Delivery was way more painful this time. I wonder if maybe the epidural didn't fully go into effect or if I didn't notice as much with Matthew because of how painful the Foley was for me. But even though it felt like ages, I only had to push a few minutes (through about 1.5 contractions) before our sweet girl was born at 8:35pm. 

Four months later, I am still in shock with how different this labor and delivery experience went. It was less than 12 hours from the time we arrived at the hospital to getting to hold our girl and I went from 1cm dilated to 10cm in 3 hours. 

Things went so much faster (and smoother) this time around and the whole experience really confirmed my suspicion that the few things about Matthew's birth that were off had to do with the newness COVID - not that it didn't have a role in this birth. Half of the mom's on our floor tested positive so masks were understandably required as the staff frequented each room. (Apparently I only have babies during peaks in the pandemic.)

We brought our girl home on December 28 and she’s been getting loved on by her big brother ever since.

Peace,
Sarah

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Matthew Arrupe

We welcomed our son, Matthew Arrupe, into the world almost four months ago and in this short time, our lives have changed drastically for the better.

All the clichés and warnings about time flying or kids growing up in the blink of an eye are bitter-sweetly true. It’s incredible to see the newness of each day, but hard to say goodbye to those sweet newborn moments and pack away the clothes and diapers he has already outgrown.

I’ve never written a birth story (clearly), and am not even really sure how to go about composing one or what you’re supposed to include (how much is TMI?), but in these few short months I’ve noticed details of Matthew’s birth slipping my mind. So, in an effort to record the memories that aren’t yet lost of that incredible day(s), I’ve decided to write them down – in the middle of the night as I pump for the billionth time.

(Dress | Onesie | Dress Shirt | Pants)

Here we go:

Our sweet little green bean was due on March 25, 2020. Many of our pregnancy milestones had occurred on holidays, so I naturally joked that they would more likely arrive on April Fools.

Well, the joke was on me.

To be fair, based on our fertility charting, we expected that the baby would arrive in early April. I was just hoping my body would get fed up and speed up the process a bit. It did not.

Our due date came and went and based on the (lack of) progress my OB observed in my final few visits, we were scheduled for an induction the day I hit 41 weeks, at 6pm on April 1.

Oh, and did I mention that this all was happening at the beginning of a state-wide shelter-in-place order due to the Covid-19 pandemic? I know they say birth plans should be flexible, and ours was (I thought), but there really was no preparing for this particular bump in the road.

I spent the days leading up to the birth fearful of changes to hospital policy, fearful that my husband, who works in the medical field, would not be able to be with me. I expressed this fear to my doctor at my second-to-last appointment and she assured me that scenario was so unlikely it hadn’t even crossed her mind. By the next appointment, she explained that it was a possibility given what happened in NY, but she and the other OBs were advocating for an exception to be made for Labor & Delivery. I checked the hospital’s new protocols multiple times a day. One conversation with an operator at our hospital left me hysterical as she led me to believe it was very likely I would have to labor alone. Thankfully, that was not the case.

By the time of our induction date, the hospital’s restrictions limited the number of “visitors” for L&D to one person, which meant Michael could be there. On one hand, the policy helped keep our delivery private (which I preferred – sorry mom). On the other hand, our doula couldn’t come either. And since I was being induced, she couldn't help me labor at home and begin the birthing process with the extra support we’d hoped to have.

I didn’t really think I had a birth plan, other than to deliver safely with a few preferences that were pretty flexible in my mind. But when everything is turned upside down by a problem you hadn’t known to create a plan B for, you realize you do, in fact, have a birth plan, and I have to say, a pandemic was not part of mine.

Now, back to the induction:

We arrived promptly at the hospital on April 1, pillow and bag in tow. Upon our arrival, we were greeted by security waiting to check our temperatures and asked us various health questions that I’d answered at several of my last appointments. No sir, I had not left the country at 41 weeks pregnant. I can barely get comfortable in my princess-and-the-pea pillow situation at home and the thought of sitting in an airplane makes my lower back hurt. Thankfully, he also saw the humor in asking me this.

The hospital itself was a ghost town, which was both strange and comforting all at the same time. We were directed to the L&D floor and when we stepped off of the elevator, we were the only ones there. The woman at the desk seemed to not know we were scheduled, which is always reassuring, and had us take a seat in the waiting area for about 20 minutes before we were escorted to a room.

While we were waiting to be brought back, one of the nurses noticed that my chart indicated I planned to deliver without medication and that I had requested the wing of the hospital that accommodated those deliveries (aka the nicer rooms with the bigger beds, birthing pools, and such). This was true. I did want to be there. It sounded great and I intended to labor without medication - mainly because of my intense fear of needles. (During our birthing class we watched  multiple vaginal deliveries and I didn’t bat an eye, but just the discussion of the process of an epidural caused my mouth to go dry and the room to spin. I wish I was joking.) I also knew that I have a very low pain tolerance and was open to an epidural if needed and if I could stomach it.

I told her that I was planning to labor in that wing, but because I was being induced and heard Pitocin made things more intense, I didn’t want to cause extra work for them should I need to switch and would stay on the main L&D floor.

I should have gone to the bigger room.

The nurse took us back to a room that I later learned was for triage until they had my actual room ready. It was a small room with a tiny bed and a chair for Michael to sit in. No windows, no TV, and barely enough room on each side of the bed for a person to walk by. It was. . . cozy.

We were there for six hours before they finally moved us to a normal room. In the first three hours, my belly and I were hooked up to the monitor, I had the IV port put in my hand, and we had three different people ask why I was in that room the moment they walked through the door. That was it. 

When a doctor finally came to check how far along I was (less than 1 cm), they started me on my first dose of Cytotec buccally (in between my lip and gums). Each round of Cytotec lasts around 3 hours and this first round had no effect on me. 

At the 6 hour mark I still hadn’t had one contraction, but they did finally have our room ready.

After settling into the new space at around midnight, the doctor mentioned she would like to try a Foley bulb to begin manually dilating me. I didn’t know much about the procedure other than it was very painful (which the doctor also emphasized), but didn’t want to use that method of intervention unless absolutely necessary, so I declined and she got me going on my second round of Cytotec, this time vaginally, and I finally started to have contractions.

I ended up having three rounds of Cytotec total (1 buccally, 2 vaginally), but even after six hours of steady contractions, I had not progressed at all. The doctor, who had been pushing for a Foley bulb with each check, again suggested the intervention, and I agreed. We needed to do something to get things moving.

Around 7am, a new doctor came in to talk me through the procedure. She was gentler with my feelings and seemed to better understand my fear. After another explanation of what the Foley tube was and how it worked, she began while Michael held my hand and encouraged me through the process.

It was awful.

It was honestly the most painful part of the delivery for me, and (spoiler alert) I pushed a child out of me. I cried the whole time and when it was over, they found that something had gone wrong. The bulb wasn’t where it needed to be and they were going to have to do it all over again. 

So, I cried some more.

 Thankfully, the doctor had seen how awful the experience had been for me, and since I was still not dilated or effaced 14 hours in, and our baby had been super chill through it all, she had me order breakfast and take a break before she had to insert the Foley bulb again.

It was near 10am when she came back, stripped my membranes (not pleasant), and inserted a new Foley. The procedure was still painful, but did not feel as traumatic, which I attribute to having better context of what to expect and a full belly.

I continued to contract and the Foley Bulb fell out at around 2pm which meant I was about 4cm dilated (finally).

At this point, it had been about 20 hours since I’d been admitted and I was having around 3 contractions every 10 minutes. Baby’s heart rate had been wonderful since we arrived and while I was feeling strong, I was also exhausted. My nurse had been checking in with me regarding pain levels, and I told her I was at a steady 6-7. My contractions were honestly not that bad. The pain was similar to menstrual cramps I’d experienced before, but while on my period there was a longer time of relief between the intense cramping. 

The nurse had also begun bringing up the option of an epidural, which again, I was not opposed to, but still very fearful of. She ended up having a conversation with M while I was in the restroom and he better articulated my fear of needles, which helped her to better understand where I was coming from. She explained what she was noticing in regards to my exhaustion and that our next step of Pitocin was only going to add to it all.

I knew this. Pitocin and its intense effects had been on my mind too. I was also very aware of the constant contractions, their effect on my energy levels, and that I had gotten little to no sleep so far. I also knew I wasn’t even halfway dilated which meant there was a lot of time left. So, I decided to hear about the epidural again and after some sweet coaching with that nurse and M, we called the anesthesiologist and requested the epidural.

Michael wasn’t allowed to stay in the room with me (even after trying to persuade them otherwise), but I did have another sweet nurse, who’d just begun her shift, there to hold my hand. The anesthesiologist was incredibly nice and walked me through every step of the process. The initial numbing shots stung a bit, and trying to stay still while contracting was challenging, but I made it through.

And it was glorious. As was the sleep I was finally able to get.

The Pitocin started to speed up the process, and around 5pm my nurse checked me and said I was far enough along for the doctor to come and break my water. (I forget how many centimeters I was at that point.) Mike and I were so excited to hear that. After what seemed like the slowest labor ever, we were making moves and getting closer to meeting our baby.

We waited over 5 hours until a doctor finally came by to officially check my progression and break my water and during that time our new nurse (after another shift change) had barely spent time in the room. It was similar to the way we’d been treated at the beginning of the induction, but this time I had been laboring for over 24 hours. It was incredibly frustrating and both Michael and I were visibly upset about the delay and expressed our feelings with the doctor who didn’t seem to think there was a problem with making us wait so long either time since the baby was not in any distress.

I’m still trying to give the hospital the benefit of the doubt and hoping this treatment had to do with limited staffing via Covid-19. I understand that labor requires a lot of waiting around, but we were not informed properly and I don’t think there should have been such a long gap in having a doctor come to my room.

Frustrations aside, the doctor finally broke my water at around 10pm. There was meconium present which meant the baby had pooped in utero and would need some extra care when they arrived. Apparently this is fairly common, especially in babies that come past their due date, but it was still scary to me, and in my exhausted state I couldn’t help but wonder if things would have been different had we not been left unchecked for so long. (This was totally the exhaustion and fear talking and probably not the case, but the thought still crossed my mind.)

Thankfully, at about 11pm the doctor checked me again and let us know it was time to start pushing. For some reason, my body did not respond to this news very well. I all of a sudden had crazy chills and shakes (which is apparently normal and has to do with hormone changes during delivery) and I threw up (which I guess is also normal). 

Once I was more calm, the nurse let me know what this next step would look like and got me into pushing position. Michael and I asked if she thought we’d have the baby that night (April 2) or the following morning (April 3) and she was optimistic, but pretty convinced we were not having this baby that night.

Challenge accepted.

The nurse and Michael each had a leg in hand while she calmly counted to ten for each push. My asthma made it harder to actively push during the full count. I consistently hit 7 or 8 and had to stop to catch my breath. But y’all, I was determined to get that child out of the womb and into my arms.

I don’t remember how many times I pushed, but after around 30 minutes (which included a “break” for the rush of hospital personnel to get there) our baby was born and Michael announced, both proudly and surprised, that it was a boy.

 After 30 hours, we finally met our sweet babe:

Matthew Arrupe. 
Born April 2, 2020 at 11:39pm. 
8lbs, 11oz, 20 inches long, and a bundle of pure joy.

Peace,
Sarah

(Our newborn photo session was canceled due to Covid, but we did have a lovely 2 month one with Juliana Kaderbek, which is where most of the photos in this post are from.)

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Here, Too - The 2020 BIS Lenten Devotional

Launch Day is here and I am SO excited to share this year’s Blessed is She Lenten Devotional with you! 🎉⠀⠀
“Here, Too: Where We Meet God” accompanies readers through Psalms, Gospels and personal stories from 8 of our beautiful writers who illuminate those unexpected times and places where we meet God. Together, we will move through the desert, the storm, the tomb and much more. ⠀

Thousands of women will be journeying together with this devotional for Lent 2020 and we would LOVE for you to join us! (✨There’s also Lent Bundle which includes the bracelet I wear almost daily! FYI, the Advent one sold out in two days, so if you’re interested, be sure to act fast!)⠀

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Feel free to contact me with any questions. I cannot wait to walk through Lent 2020 with you ♥️⠀

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Peace,

Sarah

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Blessed Conversations - Misericordia

Blessed is She just released their newest Blessed Conversation Study, Misericordia, on the Spiritual and Corporal Works of Mercy (more of my favorite things!). The study follows the examples of 12 Catholic saints - 11 lay women (meaning not nuns or sisters) and 1 religious (a sister whose name you can probably guess even if you aren't Catholic 😉). It was written by 4 of our amazing writers and designed by the incredible Erica Campbell of Be A Heart Design! There are 12 sessions (one for each amazing woman) in this beautifully bound book which is different from the individual studies we have released in the past. 

My copy arrived this weekend and It 👏🏼 Is 👏🏼 Gorgeous! ⠀
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Y'all, I LOVE learning about the saints. I know that sounds sales-pitchy (and I am using affiliate links), but in all seriousness, next to Scripture, reading about the lives of the saints is my favorite way to grow deeper in my faith. Hearing about their unique experiences and devotion to God inspires me to learn and be more - to seek the magis for any of you Ignatian friends out there 😉 ⠀
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I cannot wait to dive in and learn about women of God I have never heard of and deepen my love for those I already hold dear - oh hey, Dorothy Day! 🙌🏼⠀
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The studies can be completed alone, but are so much more fun with a friend or small group whether in person or virtually. I've done one with a group of friends spread throughout the country and it was such a joy! If you have any questions or are in the Cleveland area and want to take a look in person, let me know! You know I love spreading the #BISsisterhood ♥️⠀

Get your own copy of Misericordia HERE ♥️
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(Photos by the lovely Katie Waldow)


Peace,
Sarah

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5 Things I Am Loving in July

Hey friends,

Happy Tuesday! On Saturday I came back from my last summer immersion trip which means my summer schedule is finally here! I am very excited for a slower pace and more time to just go with the flow.

Summer also means a bit more free time to create and for whatever reason, my blogging bug seems to be coming back so maybe that means I will be posting more than once a month? Maybe. I make no promises other than to follow where the Spirit is leading. And that's really about all we can do, right?

Today I thought I'd share a few of the things I am loving this month. Nothing too earth shattering, just a good old fashioned round-up of things catching my eye this July.

1) The Blessed is She Mini Planner

I have been waiting for this baby to arrive since May and am so happy it's finally here. I love it's unique, intentional design that will help me remember to center my days around God and the gifts I've been given. The large size was just a bit too big for my taste but the mini is PERFECT. I'm already gearing up for August and my little planner heart is happy :)

2) Fr. Pedro Arrupe

One of my favorite examples of faith is on his way to beatification and I am so happy.

From my Instagram post a few days ago:

If you have never heard of Arrupe, I can’t recommend reading about his life enough. He answered the call to the priesthood while studying to be a doctor, which was put to good use when he was missioned to Japan. Living just outside of Hiroshima, Arrupe turned the Jesuit residence into a makeshift hospital for those who survived the devastating dropping of the atomic bomb. 

As Superior General of the Society of Jesus, Arrupe called out Jesuit institutions stating that we are called to be men and women for others, emphasizing a faith that does justice - something that I strive to teach my students every day.


There is so much beauty and depth to this man and his faith in God. He is a great leader of the Church that who I feel a great closeness to. I have been praying for his canonization for a long time and I am SO grateful that the recognition of his sainthood is underway.

3) Sour Patch Watermelon Gummies

My students introduced them to me on our Appalachia immersion and I'm obsessed. Usually I'm not a huge gummy/non-chocolate candy fan, but for whatever reason these things are what I'm craving lately. SO. GOOD.

4) The N Sale

Nordstrom is having their big annual anniversary sale and I am loving the sneak peak into trends to come this fall. The sale is open to anyone on July 20th but if you have their card, I think you can jump the line and start now. I don't really shop at Nordstrom at any other time of the year - department stores aren't really my jam - but I do love scanning the picks of this sale. I have bought these leggings in the past two sales and LOVE them. I live in them under dresses in the fall and winter or just lounge around the apartment with them in a cozy sweater. This year, I am loving this floral dress (this one too!), this scalloped sweater, this cozy cardigan, and these booties.

5) The Beach

This I was not expecting. Honestly, I have never really been a beach lover. Maybe it was being too self-conscious in a bathing suit or maybe it was the burning sand, but going to the beach was never something I desired to do. I would go if friends or family invited me, but it would never be something I chose to do. This summer I can't get enough and lucky for me, there are several community beaches 5-10 minutes away and M is always up for a visit. Has anyone else found themselves growing into loving the beach or maybe the reverse of now disliking it?

What about you, friend? What are you loving this month?

Peace,
Sarah

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Reflections on Reconciliation

I had the privilege of offering a reflection during our Reconciliation Service yesterday and thought I would share it with you all. For a little context, this service was prepared as part of a Lay Presiding course in which we learn how to prepare, plan and facilitate different types of liturgies ranging from Evening Prayer, Taize Prayer, and Liturgy of the Word. The readings we chose to use for this particular service were 2 Corinthians 5:17-20 and Luke 7:36-50.
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When I told my mom that I would be preaching at a reconciliation service she laughed and told me a story of how when she and her cousin Michelle were younger, they loved going to confession. In fact, they loved it so much that they would make up sins just so that they could go again!

Apparently I did not inherit that confession-loving gene, because I am often the complete opposite of my mother in this story. I tend to avoid going to confession like it’s the plague. The idea of reviewing the number of times I have sinned and reciting them to someone is not exactly the most appealing thing to me and causes way more anxiety than it probably should – especially when I usually know all too well those places in my life where I have failed.

I know when I could have been a better friend, a better daughter, a better roommate, colleague, Christian, you name it. And that awareness, that lovely Catholic guilt, often becomes the focal point of my confession when I do go.

But what if the focus was shifted?

What if rather than placing all of the concentration on listing failures, a greater attention was paid to the abounding love and forgiveness shown by God in this beautiful sacrament of Reconciliation? Even just using the word “reconciliation” rather than “confession” completely shifts the tone. In the sacrament we are not just reciting our faults and waiting for our penance. We are doing more than just confessing, we are reconciling. We are looking to restore right relationship with the Divine, to continue striving to know God better and to love the world as God loves.

Today in the Gospel we hear Jesus say “Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven; hence she has shown great love.” Because this woman - unnamed and labeled only by the fact that she, like all of us, is a sinner - because she has shown great love, she is forgiven. It did not matter that she had “sins which were many” or even what those sins were. 

She loved. 

She loved and she actively sought to serve God – to get as close to the Beloved as she possibly could. And it is because of that outpouring of courageous love that Jesus said to her, “Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.”

“In Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting the message of reconciliation to us.”  This is the ministry of reconciliation. It is not intended to be a counting of trespasses, a recitation of sins and a sentencing of penance. Reconciliation is an outpouring of grace in which we recognize the infinite love of God and allow that love to take hold of our hearts as we go out into the world as “ambassadors for Christ”.

So this evening, as you prepare to celebrate the sacrament of Reconciliation, rather than focusing primarily on failures, perhaps pray for openness and receptivity to the endless love of God and a deeper understanding of how we are called not only to recognize that brilliant love, but to share it with our world.
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How are you called to bring the infinite love and goodness of God with the world?

Peace,
Sarah

**Linking up with BlessedisShe and #BISLent

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2 Suggestions for Lent This Year

This morning I was approached by a kind stranger who wanted to let me know that I had a smudge of dirt on my face. I had to chuckle a little and explained that it is Ash Wednesday in the Catholic Church and the smudge - which should ideally look like a cross - is intentional.

Side note: I also expressed deep appreciation for his willingness to point it out because there have been many times that I have had something on my face or food in my teeth and no one has let me know. If you see someone with green in their teeth, tell them! I promise they'll appreciate it.

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Today marks the beginning of the Lent-Easter season in the Roman Catholic Tradition. For the next 40 days (Sundays excluded) Catholics around the world enter into a time of preparation to enter more fully into the mystery of the resurrection of Christ. You may be familiar with friends giving up meat on Fridays and other types of food or drink. Maybe you know someone who has started to go to mass more regularly or is trying to more intentionally avoid gossip.

Whatever someone decides to "give up" or "add in" to their daily routine during Lent is done so in order to strengthen their personal relationship with the Divine. It's not to see who can give up the most extravagant item, or who can add the most prayer into their days. Lent is personal. It's an intimate part of one's spiritual journey.

If you are planning to partake in a Lenten observance this year, I suggest 2 things.

1. When you decide on how you will observe Lent this year, think deeply about how that particular act will affect your relationship with God. If you can't find a connection, maybe think of something else you can choose to do.

2. Don't compare your Lenten sacrifice with someone else's. Don't feel inadequate because you don't have the flexibility in your schedule to add an hour more of prayer to your day. And on the flip side, don't assume that someone else is taking the easy route by doing something that to you may seem superficial. Again, this is not a competition.

There's so much more that I could share about Lent and Ash Wednesday and the history of this time in Catholicism (especially after my class this morning on the Lenten-Easter season). It's a beautiful time in the church filled with rich tradition and symbolism. 

If anyone has specific questions I would love to answer them. I am always so appreciative of people from other faith traditions who let me ask questions and I'd love to provide that space for anyone who wants it. And if I don't know the answer, I have a school filled with professors and at least one of them will ;)

Peace,

Sarah

**Linking up with Blessed Is She and the #BISSisterhood

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Peace Be With You

Peace I leave you, my peace I give you...

I need peace.

We need peace.

Our world needs peace.

This week's prompt for the #BISSisterhood is, you guessed it, peace.

Normally to prepare for these posts, I look up the prompt about before the post date and spend about a week praying about what to write. There have been prompts where I've know immediately what I will share, and others where I've worried nothing will come in time. But it always does.

Yet on this topic of peace, I remain speechless.

It's not that I have no thoughts about the subject. I've written, reflected, and given talks about it numerous times. I have notes on inspiring workers for peace, marked scriptures illuminating the peace of God, and reflective songs that continue the conversation of creating peace.

But today, as I reflect on our world - a world thirsting so desperately for peace - all I can do is sit and be still.

I cannot formulate the words to adequately express that desire for peace - that deep longing.

So rather than write to you about peace, in this moment I pray - and if you feel called, I invite you, too, to share in a prayer for peace.

Peace in our world.
Peace in our hearts.

Peace,
Sarah

*** Linking up with Blessed Is She and #BISsisterhood

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And So, We Hope.

I worry that I'm becoming jaded.

Okay, I worry about a lot of things, but lately this one has been at the front of my mind.

There's so much injustice in our world. So much violence. So much poverty. So much hatred. There's just so much. And sometimes it feels like it's too much. Too much to handle. Too much to fix. Too much to ever actually change.

Oh how I miss the days when I was bright-eyed,  and overly optimistic - ready and willing to go out into the world and make a difference. But as I grow older and witness more tragedy, more pain, more injustice, I sometimes feel that optimism shrinking...

And yet (thankfully) every time I think I've reached that point of no return, there is always something or someone who shines a light of hope - who inspires me with their optimism, with their care, with their talent - and lets me know that there is still good in the world. And that there is enough of it to make a change.

I work with students to address social justice issues and cultivate a deeper empathy and understanding of how we all fit together in our world. Learning about and witnessing heavy issues of hardship day in and day out certainly takes its toll on positivity and yet my students are constantly filled with a fire to be the change.

I often tease my them that they are the only reason I haven't given up on the world and retreated into a cave somewhere. They're still young. They still have that optimism. They are filled with passion and great ideas.

They give me hope.

And with that hope, I can feel my own optimism and passion begin to rejuvenate.

Hope and the rejuvenation that comes with it are key parts of this season of Advent. As Christians, we wait in hope for the coming of our Savior - in the celebration of his birth on Christmas, but also in anticipation for the coming of his Kingdom - on earth as it is in heaven.

We live in this tension of the already, but not yet. We know Christ has come and we faithfully hope and wait for the next arrival. In that tension, hope inspires action.

Advent is a time of active preparation. Yes, we wait, but we also work. We are called to prepare the way for the Lord. And so, we must ask ourselves: how can I help to bring about the Kingdom of God? How can I prepare our world to enter into Christ's peace? How can I show others the presence of God among us?

During this blessed season of Advent, let us not only prepare ourselves for the coming of Jesus, but let us also focus on preparing our world. The troubles may seem endless and overwhelming, but I have hope and faith that with open hearts and the help of our Creator, we can create the way.

We can make a difference.

And so, we prepare and we hope.

Peace,
Sarah

***Linking up with Blessed is She and #BISsisterhood and Faith and Fellowship

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The Grace of Remembrance

I have a brief activity for you. I invite you to close your eyes and think of a specific moment from your past that you remember feeling very happy and very loved. As you're thinking of this moment, try to remember what you were sensing at that time...

What do you see?

What noises do you hear?

What do you smell?

Try to soak in the environment around you...

What is the space like?

Who is there with you?

What are you doing?

How do you feel?

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"With Great Power, Comes Great Responsibility."

"God created mankind in his image; in the image of God he created them..." Genesis 1:27

You are created in the "image and likeness of God." How special is that? You are made to emulate the great Creator. In you, others may encounter the Divine. You are the Crown of Creation.

What a beautiful grace! What a powerful gift!

And yet, we must always remember that "with great power, comes great responsibility." It is not enough to simply be created in the image of God. Humanity has been endowed with the responsibility to care for all of Creation.

This is what Pope Francis is insisting upon in his latest encyclical, Laudato Si. We share in a deep responsibility to take care of creation and allow it to flourish.

The first creation story in Genesis illustrates, in spectacular poetry, the love and care poured out by God in each moment of creation. Where other creation stories during that time contained gods of violence and vengeance, the god of the Hebrew Bible, our God, invited the universe into being. "Let there be," and it was good.

This creation story ends with the formation of a new being. Different from those before, this one was made to be an "image" of God.

In ancient times, specifically those during which the Bible was written, while a king was away from his people, a plaster cast was placed at the head of the town. This replica of the king signified that the people of the place were to be governed and cared for in the same manner that would be done had the ruler been present. In a way, it demonstrated continued care for those the ruler had dominion over. They were not forgotten.

The Book of Genesis, written in Hebrew, has the word for plaster cast found where in English we read image.

Wow.

Not only were we created to resemble God, but according to the Hebrew, we were made to be replicas of the Divine and share in dominion over the rest of creation. But we must remember that this dominion must also replicate the Divine. We are to care for creation with the same compassion and love poured out for us by Christ.

If we are to truly be the Crown of Creation, we must be willing to pour out our love and compassion as well. Not only to our neighbor, but to all of God's magnificent and holy creation.

Peace,
Sarah

*** Linking up with Blessed Is She and #BISsisterhood and Faith and Fellowship

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My Summer with the Saints

November 1st marks the Feast of All Saints in the Catholic Church. Each year around this time, I try to choose a saint to learn more about and try to pray with as a guide to holiness through the year. Saints Bernadette, Ignatius of Loyola, John Paul II and Joan of Arc are some of those whose devotion to God I have come to admire through this practice.

After my adventures in Europe this summer, I find myself reflecting and praying with the many beautiful holy men and women whose lives I was fortunate enough to learn about and experience on another level.

So rather than just choosing one saint this year, I'm feeling connected to and comforted by many.

 (above: Basilica of Loyola, below: view of Montserrat on the way to Manresa)

By walking the footsteps of Ignatius of Loyola, I felt myself draw nearer to Christ in prayer and reflection along the camino. I wanted to walk those 200 km to learn more about and grow closer to the saint, but instead found myself diving deeper into my relationship with Christ, which is exactly what Iggy would have wanted. He calls all of us to live our lives so that everything is for the greater glory of God. AMDG.

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