Overall, my pregnancy has been relatively easy. I've had all the "normal" symptoms at all the "typical" times and thankfully they have been very mild. Some morning sickness the first trimester, but never any vomiting. Some heartburn the past few weeks, but rarely bad enough to grab the antacids.
I've been incredibly lucky.
What has been the hardest part, is something I've struggled with since I was little: body-image.
Changes to my body while pregnant were obviously to be expected, but I don't think I realized how quickly old wounds and warped mindsets would return as soon as things began to look and feel different.
It's been a wild ride.
But as I'm adjusting and getting over the shock of those initial negative feelings, I'm finding myself wishing I had been documenting this process from the beginning.
There are about 20 weeks of this pregnancy that I all but refused to document and I can never have that time back or look through images that articulate how amazing my body and the changes it had made to grow a human are.
And with that in mind, and also knowing how much blogging (aka forcibly sharing photos of myself) in the past helped with my self-esteem (as weird as that might seem), I plan to start sharing outfit posts again.
I'm not yet sure how frequently. And let's be real, the wardrobe has been drastically reduced as the bump has grown. But forcing myself in front of the camera, instead of my preferred placement behind it, helps me to see the difference between a photo of me being bad and the way I look being bad.
(I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me, but I also don't know that it has to.)
All of this is not to say that I snapped my fingers and am suddenly feeling amazing about how I look 5 months pregnant. Or that I don't have bouts of fear knowing that there's still about 16 weeks of changes and growth to go.
It's something I am wrestling with daily and something I have an amazing community of friends and prayer warriors helping to carry me through. (You ladies know who you are <3 )
But I don't want to look back at this experience and be upset that I let fear and negativity have the upper hand. I cannot wait to hold this sweet little babe of ours, but I don't want to wish away this time either.
There's a balance waiting to be found and I'm hopeful that with some intentionality, I can come close to finding it.
I suppose we'll see.
(On a lighter note, having M means I don't necessarily have to be that weird girl posing for photos with her tripod. . . ah, marriage.)
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If you've made it to the end of this post, thanks for sticking with me. I will forever be grateful for this little corner of the internet where I can share my heart, whether there's someone on the other end reading or not.
(Though sometimes I would prefer not lol. Being vulnerable is hard.)
Peace,
Sarah
PS here's a blooper for posterity's sake
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